Saturday, August 12, 2017

Four months

Our son just turned 4 months old. The son that we hoped for and dreamed of. The son we went through hell to create. The son that we did not know for sure would exist.

I have been wanting to post what it feels like to finally be a mom. To finally hold my child. To finally see my husband hold our child. It is hard to describe the overwhelming feeling of love and completeness.

This little boy that we created together fills the hole in our hearts. He is beyond anything we could have ever imagined and he feels like the baby we were meant to have. There was such a long time of sadness in my heart and an unsure feeling of if we could ever bring home a baby to raise together. Those years of feelings aren't erased but they have been replaced with feelings of happiness and a feeling of being whole. That is the best way to describe the journey I went on. My heart was missing a piece before. I knew I was missing out on so much and missing out on the thing I always wanted. I wanted someone to call me mom.

And I just know that from now on I mean more to someone than I have ever before. He will depend on me. When little does he know that my life depended on him.

Baby boy Baxter, our Dylan, you are everything I imagined and more than I could have ever imagined. I love you I love you I love you.

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