Thursday, March 26, 2015

My heart's desire

Some days are okay. I laugh and am okay with what I am doing in my life. Other days are hard. Most days are hard. Some days there are pregnancy announcements or newborn photos uploaded. Some days there are commercials of dancing pregnant women, diaper commercials, and even advertisements for phone lines for assistance on what to do for an unwanted pregnancy.

And then here I am with the deepest desire in my heart and soul to be a mother. To finally have my baby with my husband of (almost) 9 years. But my desire doesn't get answered. It just sits there and waits, and waits, and waits.

Why do I have this desire with a body that doesn't cooperate? Some days it would be easier to not want this so much. Not want this at all. Then I wouldn't feel like there is a gaping hole in my heart.

What do I do until my dream comes true? I guess I just continue "living" and keep hoping that one day I will be a mother. Keep hoping that one day I can hold our baby in my arms and say it was all worth it.

Until then I will just wait.