Dear past me,
I know how you feel. I used to be where you are right now. I wanted the family I dreamed of. I wanted my family to feel complete. I ached to say the words, "We're pregnant!" I wanted our families to be so excited we were finally welcoming a little one into our world. I wanted to hold my baby. It hurt so badly to want this and not be able to have it at the time. I did everything to help my chances of our dream to come true.
Dear past me, I know you hurt. I know this isn't easy. I know most people don't understand. I know you have a mother's heart but no baby.
This is why I am writing to you. Past me, you have no idea what your future holds, but I do. Your future is more than you can imagine. You cannot picture the excitement in your husband's eyes when he first holds your baby. You cannot imagine holding your little one until they fall asleep. You cannot imagine how bright their eyes look at you. All of it is just so much more than you can dream of. You will be so happy. You won't think of any of these past years that you were in pain. This little one will wipe your slate clean. This little one will make it all worth it. You will have a new chapter of your life and it will be your favorite.
Past me, it's okay. It's okay to feel the way you do. I say that because I know it's not the way you will always feel. It's only temporary. Better days are coming and I know you are ready for them. You are beyond ready.
Keep going. Please just keep going. I know the future and it's wonderful.
Love, future you
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