If there was a fast forward button...

I would push it. Without even thinking, I would punch that button so hard. I know there are a thousand quotes saying to live in the moment. But imagine that living in the moment is killing your spirit. I just want to know what my future holds. If I am able to have my family and be who I want to be. Not knowing is hard. It's too hard. The disappointment of treatment not working. The disappointment of a one time good cycle that made a baby. The disappointment of not bringing that baby home. The pain of not knowing if you will ever bring a baby home.

If you were living through this..No, wait..not living. If you were existing through this, you would push the fast forward button, too.

4 months later

I have been working now for over 4 months, trying to save up what we can. We have been doing pretty well with saving up with 2 incomes, my husband's bonus, and our taxes that we actually got money back on! I have also tried not to buy much and have actually sold stuff we didn't need.

Now the plan is to talk with our fertility specialist and get the timeline for our IVF (in-vitro) and FET (frozen embryo transfer). It's a long process and hopefully we can start by August!


I have been feeling down and just want some hope again. Having 0 chances each month is very hard.

I just want to bring our baby home.